Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
