party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
try to milk me bitch
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