Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
