My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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