the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
