She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
