maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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