i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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