i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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