you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
