Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
