SEEEEXXX PLEASE
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
