Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize