My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
