Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
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Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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