I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Screwed.edu
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
