good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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