He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
