Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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