nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
