6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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