It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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