I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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