Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
