ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
