Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
two words...techno handjob
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
