Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
