Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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