u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
