So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
