i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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