I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
