Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
