A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
