My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
