he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Couch. On fire.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
