my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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