Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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