And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
