I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
