Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
