I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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