I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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