I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
