im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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