i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
