i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
