The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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