Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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