I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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