You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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