Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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