flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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