I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
