chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
