they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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