come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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