this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
