Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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