I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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