Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
