i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
