farters have to be the big spoon...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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