Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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