She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
