Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Still dying that you shit outside
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
