Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
