the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
