Can i not drive my cunt home
I've blown a few things in my day
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
