did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You may now shotgun with the bride
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
