Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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