God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
