You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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