No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
