Little spoons don't ask big questions
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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