If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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