i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
