Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
