I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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