How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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