Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
