the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
