I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she told me i tasted like america
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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